Have you ever had a door slam in your face? No, not literally but figuratively. Perhaps, like me, you’ve had more than your fair share of door slamming. But, then again, what’s really fair? I’m setting out to try, by way of writing, to get my head wrapped around this in a way that’s helpful and not the other way around.
I came up with the title for this particular blog post during a conversation with my husband. I often will say or hear something and BING, the light goes on and I say to myself, or anyone within listening distance, “Hey … that might make for an interesting blog.” So it was when trying to explain to my husband how I’ve been feeling for quite some time now. “What do you do when it feels like everything you try to do ends up with a ‘NO’ door slamming in your face?”
I’m a true believer that my life and destiny remain in the hands of God. So, in saying that I’m prefacing everything in this post with the knowledge that each and every door that is slammed in my face is a direct result of God’s way of letting me know what is not intended for me or a direction not meant for me to take. In one respect that’s a very good thing. Sort of like my heavenly GPS guiding and directing my every step. I would have it no other way. After all, who wants to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere and not have someone to help you get back to where you need to be. For me and many others, slamming doors is one way to keep us on the path we’re supposed to be on. Remember … the name of this blog is ‘A Pilgrim on the Narrow Path’. As much as I’m appreciative of this constant guidance, there is a side to it that is just outright hard to understand, and that is, when the door slams, surely there must be a direction one can take other than standing still. Yes?
Let me share some of the door slamming that has been going on in my life and maybe you’ll see what I mean. Reach out to varying ministries around the world (I think 6 at last count) to offer my (free) assistance in areas such as web sites, social media, oversight, etc. SLAM! Believe it or not, people will not take me up on this. Start a new medication to treat the Lupus–the first new medication in 50 years. Seven months later, SLAM! Try to step out in the realm of media to make testimonial type of videos to help others. SLAM! Reach out to the one and only person who can help fulfill one of two things left on my bucket list. SLAM! The list just goes on and on. The more I type, the less uplifting I feel.
Here’s the heart of the matter. Slamming doors is one thing, what to do when the door is slammed is another. For quite some time now it’s as if my life has been directed, well, nowhere. It’s not a matter of my faith wavering, but rather needing direction in my life. Without a moment’s hesitation I can tell you that it’s my heart’s desire to live past my illness, yet reach others by way of helping them by using the gifts and talents my heavenly Father has given me. The only place where doors have not been slammed for me is in my local church. For this I’m extremely grateful. But, there’s still much I want to do with the time I have left. Yet I know that it must be what God would have me to do. If not, it will just be another door slamming in my face.
As my dear friend, Cyndi, has so aptly put it, “I’m just so incredibly overwhelmed with it all right now.” It’s hard to explain and I feel I haven’t truly done it justice with this one blog post. I’m okay with being directed away from a situation or circumstance that would ultimately prove to be bad, or wrong, for me. However, seeing or finding the right direction, the right answer, the right path … well that’s not quite so clear. THAT’S what I pray for because to be perfectly honest, I don’t want to look back and see that I missed it. Why is it so clear to some and so foggy for others? People often say tritely, “When I get to heaven, I’m going to ask God…” I used to chuckle at that thought because I always imagined there’s no way that when we get to heaven we’ll even be thinking about such things. But I’m going to chime in and say, “God, when you slammed all those doors … did I miss it? Was it clear, yet I didn’t see it?”
What about you, my loyal readers? What do you do when God slams a door? Oh, and there are no open windows nearby either. For me, while I wait I continue to pray, continue to be in His word, continue to try and focus on others. And, just as important, be alone with Him and listen. One foot in front of the other, on the path, eyes straight ahead … and at all costs—avoid slamming doors!